Domestic abuse occurs across the world, indiscriminate of culture, gender, or sexual orientation.
Periods of social and economic upheaval, such as the pandemic, highlighted how many people face uncertainty, stress, and financial pressures, all of which can affect the wellbeing of individuals and families.
Refuge charity in the UK reported a significant increase in calls to the National Domestic Abuse helpline and online support resources during the Covid-19 lockdown, and noted that male victims of abuse sought help in greater numbers during this time.
But while the pandemic brought renewed attention to domestic abuse, the issue persists well beyond this period of crisis and is just as relevant today.
Understanding domestic violence
Toby D. Goldsmith MD explains in Psychcentral that abuse often happens when one partner feels the need to control and dominate the other. This can be as a result of low self-esteem, jealousy, feeling inferior in education or socioeconomic background or having difficulties regulating anger and strong emotions. Abusers learn violent behaviour from their family, people in their community and other cultural influences as they grow up.
In the majority of cases the perpetrators of abuse are a partner or ex-partner, but it can also be a family member or carer.
Over 3 million people in the UK suffer some form of domestic abuse every year and prevalence estimates vary internationally, with millions affected annually in the U.S. and other countries annually. Abuse takes a number of forms, most commonly including physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, economic and sexual abuse.
We commonly associate domestic abuse with physical abuse, which is easier to recognise in other people—and in our own relationships. And when abuse is visible, it’s easier to offer victims support toward.
But the majority forms of domestic abuse are invisible to family, friends and colleagues—and us. Which is why it’s so important for societies and workplaces to educate, raise awareness and create support and refuge systems for all forms of abuse–and all potential victims.
With non-physical forms of abuse, people often don’t understand when it’s happening to them. And as such, verbal, emotional, economic and psychological abuses can go undetected, and people don’t get support they need. This also takes a toll on our mental health.
Men as victims of domestic violence
In the UK alone, there are 1.5 million male victims and 2.2 million female victims of domestic abuse. And approximately one in four people aged 16 years and over will experience domestic abuse. While women are at a higher risk of domestic abuse than men, it’s imperative to recognise a significant number of men also fall victim.
ManKind Initiative research shows around 699,000 men were victims of domestic abuse in 2021–22, making up about one in three recorded victims, and many male victims still don’t disclose the abuse they suffer.
There is a social stigma that exists about men and abuse, which is resulting in less men recognising they’re suffering, and less men seeking support or refuge.
ONS data shows 6.5 % of men aged 16 and over experienced domestic abuse in 2024/25, and lifetime prevalence is around 21.8 % for men. Many male victims suffer psychological, emotional, and coercive control abuse, with limited access to support and refuge spaces compared with women.
Men are almost always silent, invisible victims. So, for societies and workplaces looking to create domestic abuse support strategies, they should also be focusing on breaking the stigma associated with men seeking help.
Workplaces are increasingly adding domestic abuse support to their HR policies
City Mental Health Alliance (CMHA), which was a global business-led alliance, engaged with its members around the issue of domestic abuse.
CMHA found that forward-thinking businesses have already recognised domestic abuse is a workplace wellbeing issue and are taking positive steps to support employees who may be victims.
Employers can play a vital role, as for many victims, work colleagues or managers are their main point of contact with the outside world and, in some cases, their only source of support.
SafeLives, a UK-wide charity dedicated to ending domestic abuse, offers guidance for employers on supporting employees who are not safe at home. This includes clear advice for employers and line managers on creating a culture where people feel comfortable speaking up, recognising the signs of abuse, and knowing how to respond appropriately.
It includes clear advice for both employers and line managers about how to create a culture where people feel comfortable to talk about their abuse, what signs to look out for and what employers, and colleagues, can do in response.
Starting a conversation
In their findings, CMHA offered advice on what to do if you suspect that someone you work with (either a man or a woman) is impacted by domestic abuse. It can be difficult to know how to start a conversation, so don’t feel that conversations need to centre on the domestic abuse itself. If you are worried about someone, ask some simple questions and then leave sufficient space for them to answer. For example:
- Are you feeling safe at home? Are you feeling comfortable at home?
- Your wellbeing is important to me and I have noticed you seem distracted/upset at the moment – are you okay? Do you feel unsafe or uncomfortable at all?
- You don’t need to tell me anything but please know I am there to support you if and when you are ready
- If they tell you something that doesn’t feel right, ask questions such as ‘How do you experience or feel about this?’
- Follow with questions such as ‘Has this happened before?’ Or, ‘How do you manage when this happens?’
Ways you can support colleagues
If someone does disclose that they are a victim of domestic abuse, then there are simple things you can say to make them feel supported and not stigmatised or embarrassed:
- Validate them and support them. Acknowledge their courage in talking about it
- Don’t tell them what to do. Be led by them in terms of what would help them. Many survivors of domestic abuse will have been in their situation for a long time. They will have significant coping strategies. Just listen and acknowledge and signpost to support if they want this. Help to put the person back in control of their life.
- You can move on to discuss safe ways of communicating such as code words and police silent calls
What progressive businesses have been doing to support domestic abuse victims
Polices that businesses have already communicated and built on include:
- 10 days paid leave for anyone who is affected to provide flexibility to take time out and seek the support they need
- Interest free loans to allow a victim to access resources to make new arrangements or meet particular financial needs at short notice
- Offer to have their salary paid in a different way which gives victims control of their money
- Provide flexibility in terms of working patterns. Ensure line managers are given permission to act upon those requests
- Provide a new phone and number -both personal and work
- Provide options for victims to access a range of support whether that’s through an EAP, line manager, staff networks or support and advice lines
- Provide line manager training on how to spot signs of domestic abuse, have conversations and signpost to support
- Provide an emergency assistance programme at no cost to the individual so they can get safe accommodation for themselves and, if relevant, their children
- Provide 1-1 counselling support to the victim
Importantly, policies and support available need to be regularly communicated and senior leaders involved in communicating these policies to raise awareness and create a culture where people feel they can ask for support.
It is important to include a wide range of resources, either internal or external, that speak to different intersectionalities to reflect the demographics within your workforce and bring in any networks e.g. your BAME network, into the conversation.
How employers can also appropriately respond toward perpetrators
Any employer could also potentially employ perpetrators of domestic abuse. There are a number of things that you can do to ensure that it is clear that this behaviour is not tolerated. Domestic abuse policies could include:
- Details of specific actions that the employer may take against a perpetrator if found guilty of abuse
- Include signposting to support where a perpetrator of abuse can seek help
- Make it clear that misuse of company time and property to harass or send abusive communications to other people will be grounds for disciplinary responses
Taking responsibility where we can
An important message to remember is that there is an incredible amount of unnecessary violence and suffering humans are causing toward one another across the world. While we can’t control every crisis or challenge faced by society, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and ask what we can control and what choices we have to make the lives of other humans better.
Businesses and societies can, and should, do the same.
Employers looking for practical guidance can also consult Domestic Abuse: a toolkit for employers, which helps workplaces recognise the issue and respond appropriately.
