For a long time, domestic abuse was seen as something that happened behind closed doors – separate from work, separate from performance and separate from organisational responsibility. It was treated as a private matter, something HR might only encounter if an employee chose to disclose it.
But that separation no longer reflects reality.
Domestic abuse does not stay at home. It shows up at work – in focus, behaviour, safety and performance. And right now it is becoming one of the most urgent, and least understood, risks facing organisations.
A hidden risk that is increasing – not decreasing
We are seeing a significant shift. More people are recognising unhealthy or unsafe relationships and more are attempting to leave. However what is less widely understood is that leaving does not always reduce risk – in most cases, it increases it.
Statistics show that around 30% of domestic homicides occur within the first three months after separation. Even more strikingly, in approximately 80% of those cases, there had been no prior physical violence.
This is where many organisations are caught off guard. The moment that appears, on the surface, to be a step forward may in fact be the point of greatest danger. For HR and people leaders, this requires a very different level of awareness and sensitivity to what may be happening beyond the workplace.
What you see at work is rarely the full story
One of the most complex aspects of domestic abuse in a workplace context is that it is rarely visible. Employees continue to show up, attend meetings, respond to emails and maintain professionalism. From the outside very little may appear to have changed.
But beneath that surface, there is often a very different experience unfolding.
Sleep disruption, anxiety, fear of financial instability, ongoing legal processes and hostile communication from a partner or former partner can all be present at the same time. These are not isolated challenges; they layer together and place a significant cognitive and emotional load on the individual.
This is what is often described as the “iceberg effect”, where the visible behaviour represents only a small fraction of what is actually being carried beneath the surface.
Without that understanding, it becomes very easy for behaviour to be misinterpreted.
When survival mode looks like poor performance
Domestic abuse, and the stress surrounding it, has a direct impact on how the brain functions. When someone feels unsafe – whether physically, emotionally or financially – their nervous system shifts into survival mode. In that state, the brain prioritises immediate safety over higher-level thinking.
This affects concentration, memory, decision-making and emotional regulation.
In a workplace setting these changes do not present as “trauma.” They present as missed details, slower responses, difficulty retaining information, emotional reactivity or withdrawal. Without context these behaviours can easily be interpreted as performance issues or lack of engagement.
In reality they are often the result of reduced capacity – rather than reduced capability.
During periods of acute stress, employees may experience significant drops in productivity, alongside increases in absenteeism and presenteeism.
Understanding this distinction is critical, because it shapes how organisations respond.
The cost of getting it wrong
When domestic abuse is not recognised, organisations can unintentionally take actions that make the situation worse. Employees may be placed into formal performance processes or disciplinary procedures based on behaviour that appears inconsistent or concerning on the surface.
There are real cases where repeated lateness, damaged equipment or fluctuating output have been treated as performance issues, when the underlying cause was coercive control. In one example, an employee’s partner was actively preventing her from leaving the house and sabotaging her ability to work, yet the organisation only saw the resulting behaviour.
From the outside, it looked like disengagement. In reality, it was control.
When situations like this are misunderstood, organisations risk losing experienced employees, increasing recruitment costs and, importantly, removing one of the few stable environments that individual may have. For some employees, the workplace is not just a place of employment – it is a place of relative safety and structure.
Domestic abuse is about control – not just conflict
Another critical area of misunderstanding is how domestic abuse is defined. It is not limited to physical violence and in many cases physical harm is not present at all. Instead, domestic abuse is characterised by patterns of control that develop over time.
This can include emotional and psychological manipulation, coercive control, financial restriction and digital monitoring.
These patterns often begin subtly and escalate gradually, which is why they can be difficult to recognise from the outside. In the workplace, they are rarely visible directly. What appears instead are indirect indicators – anxiety around communication, sudden financial stress, behavioural shifts or heightened responses to certain triggers.
No single behaviour confirms anything. However, when patterns begin to cluster, they can provide important context.
What it means to be trauma-informed at work
There can be some hesitation around the concept of being trauma-informed within corporate environments, often due to concerns about stepping outside professional boundaries. In practice, however, it is far more straightforward than it sounds.
Being trauma-informed means recognising that stress affects behaviour and responding in a way that reduces unnecessary pressure. It involves maintaining calm, structured communication, avoiding interrogation and focusing on practical adjustments where appropriate.
It does not mean removing accountability or lowering standards. Instead, it allows organisations to apply those standards more effectively by taking context into account.
When pressure is increased on someone who is already overwhelmed, performance rarely improves. When clarity, predictability and structure are introduced, capacity can stabilise far more quickly.
Supporting recovery – not just managing risk
It is also important to recognise that employees do not remain in this state indefinitely. With the right support, many are able to stabilise, recover and return to full productivity far more quickly than organisations expect.
There are now structured tools and specialist support approaches that help individuals navigate breakup, separation and domestic abuse more effectively. These focus on restoring emotional regulation, rebuilding clarity and confidence, and reducing the cognitive overload that often impacts performance. When employees are supported in this way – alongside a stable and understanding workplace environment – recovery is not only possible, it is often accelerated.
This is where organisations can play a quiet but powerful role. Not by becoming the solution themselves, but by recognising what is happening, responding appropriately and ensuring employees are aware that support exists beyond the workplace. When that combination is in place, both wellbeing and performance outcomes improve.
A growing responsibility for organisations
There is also a broader shift taking place in how domestic abuse is viewed at an organisational level. Increasingly, it is being recognised as a workplace issue rather than solely a personal one, with growing expectations around awareness, response and safeguarding.
This is not simply about compliance. It is about preparedness.
Most organisations will have employees who are navigating domestic abuse, whether it is disclosed or not. The challenge is that without awareness, the signs can be easily missed or misinterpreted, leading to responses that do not fully address the situation.
Final thought
Most organisations are not getting this wrong because they lack care or compassion. In many cases, it is simply because they do not yet have the awareness to interpret what they are seeing.
When behaviour is viewed in isolation, responses are often reactive. When behaviour is understood in context, responses become more measured, proportionate and effective.
That shift is not just beneficial for performance and retention. It is protective.
For individuals, for teams and, in some cases, for lives.
About the Author
Sara Davison is a globally recognised breakup, divorce and domestic abuse expert, known as The Divorce Coach. She has worked with organisations including the British Government, Dell and Volvo, helping HR leaders and managers understand the hidden impact of relationship trauma in the workplace. A survivor of domestic abuse herself, she is founder of the International Divorce Coach Centre of Excellence and a leading voice in workplace awareness, trauma-informed practice and safeguarding.
Sara delivers online and in person CPD-accredited Breakup, Divorce & Domestic Abuse Awareness training for HR professionals, managers and wellbeing leads, designed to build confidence in recognising risk, responding appropriately and supporting employees safely within organisational boundaries.
To find out more about the training, click here.
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