The explosion of talk about ‘toxic masculinity’ and the ‘manosphere’ recently has led to much discussion on what we can do to support young boys, and the feelings driving unhealthy behaviour. (See this article on how employer Havas supported its parent employees in the aftermath of TV show Adolescence).
However, rarely has anyone asked whether the issues affecting impressionable, vulnerable boys are also being experienced by seemingly fine and functioning men in the workforce. Leaders, even.
But rapper, actor and mental health advocate Professor Green (real name Stephen Manderson), argues that many of the “troubles that we see with men, come from them being boys with unmet needs”. He was speaking at a conference on ‘Masculinity in the Workplace’, run by the Hobbs Consultancy and Token Man.
Many men “still boys” at work
Prof Green says:
“How many of us [men] are competent sitting with our feelings, and even naming them? There’s such poor emotional literacy. These symptoms of unmet needs mean you have men running around, largely still as boys, putting on whatever mask they feel they need to put on in order to exercise performative masculinity.”
It’s this mask-wearing, for him, that leads to “spikes in suicides around my age [41]” because the “mask starts to slip and all of a sudden you’re encouraged to identify with your real self, but we’ve never been taught how to do that”.
Parenthood is a trigger
He takes himself as a case in point. Parenthood has been the trigger, and the motivation for him, to learn these emotional skills he’s missed out on growing up; a gap he puts down to not being taught them at home where his father was absent, or by a school system that he feels “fails” boys:
“Teaching my son I’ve had to learn things in order to be able to be a model, because he models my behaviour. I can’t tell him to do something that I’m not doing. I’m learning what I’m teaching him almost at the same time.”
How could workplaces help?
This experience has made Prof Green reflect on how workplaces could better help men in his position to develop these essential emotional literacy skills.
As Sir Charlie Mayfield says in his newly published ‘Keep Britain Working’ review, workplaces are uniquely placed to support employees with these types of issues and can “spot problems early, prevent conditions from escalating, remove barriers and make adjustments, and support recovery”.
Here’s some inspiration from Prof Green and his co-speakers on how workplaces could support men better:
Use parenthood as an opportunity to skill-up
Employers can use the pivotal moment of parenthood to engage fathers who find themselves in Professor Green’s situation. He suggests creating “community” spaces where men can “do the work and support each other” so they can “stand up” and become the role models for others:
“There isn’t much space for us to do this. Ask a man who they are, they’ll tell you what they do for work. They’ll tell you where they went to school They’ll tell you where they grew up. They’ll tell you all of these things, but none of that is actually who you are. When you strip all that back, it’s bloody scary.”
Share new narratives
Workplaces increasingly understand the power of storytelling. They can be a conduit for different, fresh narratives about what modern masculinity looks like. Especially given the slew of negative narratives in recent years which have given rise to the prevalence of the term ‘toxic masculinity’.
The conference also revealed new research from Channel 4 and National Research Group showing that there’s a lack of realistic male role models in mainstream media. Most survey respondents cited only sc-ifi and comic book characters.
“There’s a void in down to earth, grounded role models helping young men make that transition from boys to men,” says Fergus Navaratnam-Blair, Vice President, NRG.
The only ‘work’ related character mentioned was Harvey Specter, a character in the TV show Suits, which the panel put down to the fact he’s “built a better version of himself”, physically, professionally and in terms of being a leader and protector.
Understand evolutionary differences
Prof Green commented that hearing fellow speaker Dr Becky Owens, evolutionary psychologist at the University of Sunderland, talk about natural male wiring helped him understand himself better.
While gender equality is obviously important, this doesn’t mean that the needs of men and women should be treated necessarily as the same because their needs are not the same.
Owens explains, for example, that men are genetically predisposed to be more competitive than women as a way to prove their worth. They are also programmed to seek purpose and be a provider. They are also more likely to take risks, making them more susceptible to risky behaviours like substance abuse. Going against this wiring is possible, with self-awareness, but not easy or always the best thing to do.
So, simply stripping out competition and all risk isn’t helpful for everyone (like making ‘everyone a winner’ at sports days with no medals); instead some males need healthy outlets to express their natural competitive and risk-taking leanings.
Another speaker and activist, 15 year old Josh Sargent, explains that the manosphere has been so successful in attracting males because it understands this hardwired way they are drawn to compete, and gives them a seeming “solution” to win, or at least be validated and feel they belong somewhere.
He says:
“The reason the manosphere thrives is young male existence is rooted in competition. The solution is not necessarily accepting the manosphere’s ideology, because it’s problematic, but it’s understanding it and where it comes from. I guarantee that all these scary, spiky issues are all coming from a yearning for validation and connection.”
Create spaces to reflect
With modern life, and working life, being so busy there is little time to stop and reflect – something Prof Green argues men desperately need in order to deal with all the pressures they feel under.
He relates to the “perpetual” competition that men feel they are taking part in: “It’s this ‘I’m only a winner if I win, and then, once I’ve won, I’ve got to find another competition and win again. It creates so much trouble when there is just this one idea of what it means to be a man.”
To challenge this primal but now unhelpful thinking, workplaces could offer spaces for men to slow down and address these narratives with others, says Prof Green:
“But where is the stillness? Where is the safety?”
Employers could ask these questions of themselves with regard to their male employees. Do they have places they can feel still? Do they have places they feel safe and can talk openly and honestly?
Given the fact that 75% of companies reportedly have a women’s ERG but there are no stats on how many have a men’s network (only the fact that this is ‘uncommon’), the answer for many is probably no, for good historic reasons. The demise of so-called ‘third spaces’ like social clubs, the pub and the Church, coupled with a rise in remote working, isn’t helping this sense of isolation and disconnection.
But, perhaps, as times have changed, it is time for this to change, too?
The conference was organised by the Hobbs Consultancy in a bid to create positive action on the back of the debate by TV shows like Netflix’s Adolescence
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