One way that the government aims to tackle the mounting stress levels of working parents (outlined in this article and pertinent today, on Parental Mental Health Day) is via reforms to parental leave policy, which come into force from April, alongside a continuing review of parental leave and pay.
These reforms mean that employees now have the right to take unpaid parental leave from the first day of a new job. The government estimates that this will lead to an additional 32,000 fathers being eligible to take paternity leave each year.
But the operative words here are “being eligible”. Eligibility in itself doesn’t translate into culture change and for this new idea to take hold, employers’ efforts have to go beyond policy.
Still stigma around part-time work
One of the reasons that parents are feeling such pressure is that, while various ‘family friendly’ policies may have been introduced, real change in terms of hearts as well as minds, largely hasn’t happened at the coal face.
“There’s still a real stigma around asking to go part time after having a baby,” says Catherine Wheatley, HR professional and EDI specialist, who was made redundant when on maternity leave and went on to seek part-time employment.
“It’s assumed that you don’t care about your career anymore, or you’re not ambitious. Similarly, if you get promoted there’s this subtle expectation that you’re going to have to give more than you signed up to give.”
Leaders need to role model
She gives the example of an 8.30am meeting being automatically put in your diary which you feel uncomfortable declining, or a meeting where you are expected to be there in person, even though it could be done online. “It makes it hard to integrate family and office life. Leaders need to not give permission for these things to be an accepted practice,” she says.
Wheatley wants to see more real examples of working parents navigating the complexities openly. And this doesn’t mean having a panel of senior women on International Women’s Day talking about how they do it. Or having women tell you to suck it up, because they had to (which she’s also encountered).
“Inevitably a lot of these very senior women have nannies to make it work. But I want to give my kids a bath at night. A nanny is fine if that’s what you want and can afford, but it’s not a solution,” she says.
Policies don’t work on their own
Deborah Croft has seen this over and again in her work with employers as CEO of Thriving Talent. Policies don’t work on their own, she says, and it’s vital that leaders believe in the policies and in culture change.
“It’s no good if you’ve got leaders who still actually believe that as soon as someone commits to maternity or paternity leave then they’re basically saying their career is not as important, or that they don’t care as much if they opt for more flexible work,” she says. “You’ve got to have leaders that genuinely champion policies.”
But the problem is – as we know – many line managers are also feeling the pinch right now and feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibilities now landing on their desks. At the same time, Croft believes most employers aren’t giving them the skills they need to thrive as a people manager:
“We know that people managers feel ill-equipped to have conversations around these life events and yet they play the most significant role in the retention and engagement of parents and carers. Too often managers say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. The risk is we both lose talented parents (visibly or invisibly) and our middle managers will burn out with additional responsibilities.”
Confidence in employers has ‘stalled’
This could be one reason why the latest Modern Families Index shows that “confidence in employers has stalled” amongst working parents, with only 63% of them feeling able to discuss family needs at work. This falls to 59% for those expecting a child.
With psychological safety being highly correlated to both wellbeing and productivity (search our archives for our many articles on psychological safety), this is worrying news for parental mental health, as well as company profitability.
One of the biggest bugbears we hear from employees is that policies feel tokenistic. For instance, an employee may apply for a particular flexible working arrangement but – as Wheatley says – “the onus is on the employer to justify why it’s not possible by giving business reasons and these are, let’s be honest, quite easy to fudge”.
Psychological safety
To create psychological safety, working parents need to feel that they’re going into a conversation where the employer genuinely wants to find a solution that works for both parties; it’s not a done deal.
But before an employee even gets to the stage of taking advantage of a policy, Croft believes many employers are putting them off due to the “forgotten” importance of accessibility. The fact that some policies are so hard to take advantage of just feeds into a sense that the conversation is not genuine, again damaging psychological safety.
Croft encourages employers to look at their policies and ask:
Do our employees have to jump through lots of hoops to enact these policies? To apply for parental leave, or have a phased transition or change a job’s flexibility, for example?
“If it’s such a painful, arduous process where the employees feel like they’re asking for a favour, they aren’t going to do it. They will suffer in silence and believe they need to choose caring or career.”
Look at policy from an employee’s viewpoint
The Retail Trust’s Cliff Lee, Director of Wellbeing Services, encourages his members to look at policy development from a colleague’s point of view. Obviously, you have to ensure that any policy meets legal obligations but after that:
“Sometimes policies are not necessarily written in a very colleague-friendly way, or in ways that potentially contradict other operational policies. We’re always encouraging members to think how the policy fits within their wider policy approach and the way in which they communicate that policy to colleagues.”
In retail, like many other industries today, there could be up to four different generations working within the business. The colleague may well be a teenager, or a part time worker supporting their college or university studies, and therefore may not have a lot of life experience to draw upon.
Multigenerational workforce
“It’s important to think about how the policy will land with them and ensure that it meets the needs of this multigenerational workforce,” he says.
Lee adds this is even more important now, for SMES in particular, which might rely on AI to help write policies. Perhaps as well as asking whether a policy today is legal, employers need to ask: is it human?
The human touch
Humanity is also required when a person lives these policies. Lee gives the example of a parent returning to work after parental leave. It’s necessary to recognise what a daunting, potentially intimidating time this is.
“Lots can change in a business in that time and they won’t necessarily be able to pick up their laptop and crack on where they left off so it’s important not to expect them immediately to be firing on all cylinders,” he says. “This can place unnecessary pressure on the colleague, at a time where they could be more likely to struggle with the demands that returning to work can present.”
And perhaps, if we’re talking humanity, businesses should show a bit more of it to the humans newly arrived into the world, who need their parents, and who are, after all, the next generation of workers. They face a complicated world in terms of technology, relationships, the job market and geopolitics – to name just a few challenges – and we know that the first few years of life are crucial in creating solid mental and emotional foundations for the future.
“I believe employers have a responsibility, and a duty of care, to encourage parents to fulfil both their role as parents and as workers,” says Wheatley. “But the role of a parent is not recognised or valued enough. The fact that working parents are so stressed is bad for all of us, bad for business and bad for society as a whole.”
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