From lifestyle blogs to business boardrooms, values are everywhere. There’s one thing that elevates values from being the latest buzzword to having actual meaning, and that’s doing something with them. When you are (mostly) living and behaving in alignment, you may feel a sense of security, certainty, and reassurance. Values also act as an anchor point when things feel difficult, guiding you through tough times, helping you weigh up options, set boundaries, and make great choices. Conversely, when you go off-piste from your values, it can feel that things aren’t quite right, like you’re in quicksand and unable to find your footing. It becomes difficult to find your direction and make the right decisions.
The difference between values, principles and behaviours
Let’s consider the differences between values, principles, and behaviours.
Values are deeply linked to your emotions – they are heart-led. They are the things that you care about in your life. They help you make choices and decisions that feel right for you.
Principles are linked to your beliefs about the ‘right’ way to do things – they are thought-led and influenced by your background (family, culture, environment, etc.). They act as your internal moral compass.
Behaviours are how you show up in the world – they are action-led. In theory, they are the way in which you demonstrate your values and principles, through what you say and what you do.
When you’re behaving in a way that aligns with your values, it can feel that all is right in the world. At other times, your behaviour won’t match what you care about. When you’ve lost your rag (even though one of your values is kindness), felt compelled to stay quiet (when you’d say speaking up for others is important), or adapted your position for the sake of ease, or fear, or because you simply can’t be bothered (when you would say being truthful is a value), it can lead to all sorts of awkward feelings.
Getting real with values
The idea that if you can stand by your values 100% of the time, you’ll be happier, is a noble one, yet almost impossible to achieve. The fact is that sometimes you’ll make choices that don’t align with your values; often your values will rub up against each other, causing friction; and on occasions, you won’t even consider your values and go along with a plan without a second thought.
Things feel awkward when our values are misaligned with our actions, but it can feel equally disconcerting when we continue making choices according to values that are out of date. We are human, we’re changing and evolving all the time and this means our values need to change with us. It’s unlikely that you’ll find the need to dump an important value overnight, and more likely that you’ll see values travel up and down in priority order before being respectfully replaced. It’s essential that you’re aware of this as it’s happening, and that you’re willing to let go of old values that no longer serve you.
Aligning your values with an organisation
There’s a lot to be said for finding work in which your personal and organisational values align. If you’ve got kindness, creativity, and learning on your list and the organisation you work for – or want to work for – espouses those too, you may be going ‘tick, tick, tick – this is going to be awesome!’ There may also be times when your personal values are misaligned
with an organisation – for example, if you value humility, but the only way to get noticed in your organisation is to be boastful.
Understanding organisational authenticity
Some organisations have values that you can touch and feel as soon as you’re working with them. The behaviours align with the words, and it all feels authentic. In others the behaviours are so contradictory to the values, you wonder who on earth created them. There are multiple directions and combinations, which can act as a first filter to help you make a values-led choice when shopping for a new organisation:
- Great sounding values + great behaviours (fabulous – where do I sign?)
- Great sounding values + awful behaviours (inauthentic)
- Awful sounding values (or no stated values) + great behaviours (identity crisis)
- Awful sounding values (or no stated values) + awful behaviours (run for the hills)
It also pays to remember that an organisation’s values are only as solid as the behaviours of the people who work there, and their interpretations of the organisational values will mingle amongst their personal values. Their behaviours will be a combination of these, so they’ll also be imperfect and inconsistent. So look beyond the organisation’s behaviours and get to know people who actually work there.
Avoiding assumptions about others’ values
When you observe behaviours in others, it’s easy to make assumptions about what values they hold, taking clues from what happens on the outside. When we notice behaviour that we feel aligns with our values and the way we’d demonstrate them, it’s easy to feel that sense of connectedness (even if this is subconscious). It’s more likely, however, that we’ll spend more time noticing when someone else’s external behaviours rub up against our values.
If you’ve ever heard yourself mumbling phrases like, ‘They clearly don’t care about…,’ then you’ve fallen into that trap. Unless you know someone well, have spent time with them in many, varied situations (the good, the bad, and the ugly), and have had those deep conversations about values and principles, you’re unlikely to be able to define what they truly care about. Withhold your judgement – you never really know what’s going on in another person’s life.
Values are always contextual
Like anything in life, values apply only within the unique context of a situation, an environment, or a moment in time. In any situation, you may need to dial up one of your values and dial down another, deciding what is contextually appropriate. Perhaps one of the values isn’t relevant to what’s going on; perhaps another isn’t helpful and could cause more issues than it solves. This doesn’t mean you aren’t fully living your values. It means you’re being savvy about how to apply them.
We all know that it would be impossible (and boring) for the 10 people in our team to be totally aligned, so it’s a normal part of groups working together to adapt our approach to values. The diversity of values brought by different people, when shared, understood, and respected, can create a big team win. When this flex and respect is shared by all, it’s likely you’ll find joy.
The bigger challenge comes when we feel we have to move from being adaptable to being totally bent out of shape. If you’re doing values related backbends, having to lock them away, or being confronted with poor behaviour on a regular basis, that’s likely to cause a lot of gloom. This may be the nudge you need to find an organisation (or more importantly the people within an organisation) that better align with your needs.
Complementary rather than aligned
Seek out organisations where the values they espouse are at minimum acceptable to you and at best, aligned to what you care about. Make sure they’re evidenced through the behaviours of their people, and not just fancy words on a wall.
When you’re looking for the right boss or team to work with, consider how their values and behaviours complement your own – adding more rather than detracting.
Only you will know the level of values alignment that you need to create and maintain joy in your working life. So if something feels icky or sticky, and you can’t put your finger on why – it may well be time to consider values.
About the Author
Beth Stallwood is a coach, facilitator, speaker, consultant, author, and the founder of Create WorkJoy. She’s spent 20 years developing her signature practical, passionate approach, and excels at getting to the heart of what’s actually going on – whether that’s for an individual client stuck in WorkGloom or an organisation with a people challenge to solve. Beth is also the author of WorkJoy: A Toolkit for a Better Working Life.
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