For wellbeing leads, business partners, risk teams and internal communicators, progress depends on helping others act. That can be demanding when no one reports to you.
Does it frustrate you when your role is to help people act, but you cannot make them act?
Perhaps your team exists to guide, support or challenge colleagues: a wellbeing lead encouraging teams to attend bespoke initiatives or training; an HR or business partner advising managers; a risk or first line of defence team raising concerns; or internal communications making change clear and embedded. Salespeople and managers face the same challenge with customers and teams. In these roles, the work depends on other people acting, often when you have no authority over their time or choices. You can care deeply about the outcome and still feel stuck when they have different priorities.
That frustration has surfaced repeatedly in training I have run through Ridgeflow Performance, with most recent examples across the chemicals, government, charity and banking sectors. In a session with a large global bank, we explored how to influence other teams, and the conversation relatively quickly moved to self-determination and resilience: what is within our control, and how we manage ourselves when it is not. The issue goes beyond getting a single idea accepted. For many roles, influence is a daily responsibility, and carrying it without control can affect wellbeing, relationships and performance.
Influence is human work. Everyone has pressures, obligations and deadlines. The task is to understand what they need to get done, then offer something that helps.
Start with how you show up
Before a conversation, ask: what am I trying to achieve? What is the other person responsible for? What would be useful to them? Notice if you are listening or rehearsing your case. If frustration is creeping into your tone, you can reset and choose the next question.
Self-determination and resilience offer an anchor. You may not control another team’s decision, workload or timing. You can control how you prepare, what you ask, what help you offer and whether you agree a clear next step. Focus on these choices to protect your energy and stay connected to your role’s purpose – and to not burn any bridges.
Understand the world they work in
Cross-border emotional intelligence starts with curiosity (and self-awareness and self-management). What is the team trying to achieve? What pressures and competing priorities shape its decisions? What have people said they need? What has the key individual said they need? Use those answers to make your contribution relevant, instead of arriving with the same pitch or product/benefit dump.
You should be asking/investigating what each group needs to understand, decide or do. Use the language people use for their work; adapt examples, tone and channel to fit. The same message may land differently across teams, locations or cultures, so ask how it is landing and listen. You are there to help; make the message feel useful to its audience.
Invest in relationships before you need an urgent decision. Check in, or ask someone for a coffee. Time spent learning what matters to them can save repeated attempts to get their attention later. Is your relationship with them solely through email – can you put a face and tone to a name?
Make it easier for them to act
When someone says time is the barrier for example, ask which part takes too long. Could a shorter guide, tailored proposal, template, ready-to-use content, or literally hand holding them through the process there and then remove a step? Creating these takes your time; weigh that against the time it could save both of you, and the progress it could unlock.
Be clear about what you need and when. Follow up without fuss, in a way that is authentic to your tone: “Can you get this to me by Friday? If not, when? What can I do to help this happen, as I know a lot of last minute requests come your way”. The question gives the other person room to name a constraint and gives you a clear next date. Use a channel and style that make a reply easy.
Influence can be constrained by wider organisational factors: not enough airtime, no space in the newsletter, pressure to hit targets, or a need for a senior leader to reinforce the message or ultimately make the action mandatory. Those factors matter, and this is one way of examining the problem: start with what is within your control and what you can do now. Find out what the people you need to reach are trying to achieve, shape your message around their priorities and make it easier for them to respond. Because ultimately you want the action to happen – and being creative with how you get there could make a huge difference!
As a consultant at Ridgeflow Performance, I see this come up in manager training and in sessions devoted specifically to influence. I have seen excellent projects struggling and can see the issues lying in the communication and relationships around them, and not always in the quality of the work itself being the issue. Good communication can help a brilliant idea go further, turning strong content into something people understand, support and use. Your work matters. How can you help it have the impact it deserves?
About the author
Khalil Rener is the founder of Ridgeflow Performance and a leadership, culture and performance consultant. He applies principles from elite sport and workplace wellbeing to help people and teams thrive and perform at work. He is an APMG Change Management Practitioner and holds a BSc in Sport and Exercise Science and an MSc in Sport Management, with Distinction, from Loughborough University.
Khalil has supported over 100 organisations including Deloitte, Novartis, the NHS, RBC, NatWest and Sport England. His work spans global companies, schools, councils and frontline teams, and people at every career stage—from senior leaders to students and early-career professionals.
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